I'm still here

Alive.CRAZZZZY.and will commit to blogging soon...

We might get keys today

tears . crazy . nervous . panic attack . really excited. BROKE.

leaving home

I sit here drinking my coffee, watching Emery chase the boys around a piles of boxes in the living room ( holding a toy axe ) and I am sad to be leaving this place :(

We will be moving into our first "purchased" home in a couple of weeks, and I am sad because I love this town-home and all the memories we have made in it.  We moved here two years ago Dec 1 and now will be moving out...I got pregnant with Em the first month we moved here and brought her home here.  I have watched my boys become less baby and more big kid.  We struggled here when Danny's job was terrible, and we comforted our selves here during long winters and hot summers.  I feel safe here.  It's the longest we have ever stayed in one place.  

I pray the kids will be okay leaving.  I, on the other hand will be holding back tears.  Please pray that we will all adjust well, and praise God for this opportunity to own our own home and be saving a couple hundred dollars at the same time.  WE NEVER thought that would happen.  And please pray the current owner will leave the place clean ( its a short sale ) so that we wont have added stress on our backs.   

The cold

Yesterday we had to go grocery shopping while it was 36 degrees outside.  We of course were inside the store when we were shopping but those few moments when you are racing to your car/store so fast that you could trip and horribly embarrass yourself FOREVER, you don't even care.  

Your like one of those race car pulpit people ( can you tell I don't pay attention to that sport? )  Trying to get all the kids in their giant coats into their seats and buckled and then racing to the back to throw my 20 bags of groceries ( trying not to smash the precious bread ).  Then the moment of glory comes when I, yes I, get to get into the warm car and defrost.  

On a not so warmer note.  We had our photos taken by Alexis Turner yesterday! 

 ( www.Aturnerphoto.com) It was bright and sunny and I hope you will never know that it was only 45 degrees outside :) We had so much fun and haven't had a real family photo session since 2007 when Erin Holland took our photos!   We will be taking Alexis' family photo's in the beginning of November!  You can check our photography site out here

 ( www.LemairePhoto.com)

1st snow

Today we had our first snow.  We were leaving target when the white flakes started shooting down like falling stars.  The boys giggled at each other as they saw the little white balls fall onto each other's head.  They looked to the sky and opened their mouths, hoping to catch the frozen drops.  Through out the day the snow would fall, dry, and fall again.  Today we will have hot cocoa.  It's tradition.

I love these sweet simple days...

Who is this girl?

life

I am so overwhelmed with emotions right now.  I made the mistake of looking at my myspace pictures that I haven't looked at in FOREVER.  I saw these little chubby baby face's that I don't even recognize anymore.  It's not fair.  I spend all this time on them and I don't even notice how much they have changed in the last year.  I wish I could remember EVERYTHING.  I hope they will always love and "like" me.  I am nervous about the years to come when they're not just little kids anymore and I am not their world.  Will they even know how much I love them and how I will do anything for them.  I can't believe 5 years have gone by this fast.  

I hope they know I put my heart and soul into them everyday.  

I am having a hard time accepting Danny's vasectomy which was openly agreed that he would have it done.  We felt at the time we were done, and that it was unsafe to have anymore.  So why am I having baby fever right now.  I honestly thought I wouldn't have it after having Emery.   

Poor Nathan is having the same problems his mommy is having.  He does not want Emery to grow up, he wants her to stay a baby forever.  And even though I enjoy all the new things she is doing, I don't want her to grow up either.  

Is this how every parents feels?  Is there a point where you stop feeling this way?  When you accept that this is how it is and you just enjoy.  Or are there random times of heartbreak where you finally start remembering things you tucked into your brain so that it could torment you later.  Memories you took for granted, and the many times you overreacted.  

I don't know who am I suppose to be or what I am suppose to do when they are gone....